IM ABOUT TO MEET MY ROOMMATE AND IM FREAKING OUT
my secret reality
I went to an Arab-American comedy night and there was a Muslim guy making a joke about being in high school football.
"I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see somebody else’s god?"
This is what jokes about religion are supposed to look like.
bf: come over
me: dont u have a period?
bf: we’re gay
me: oh yeah
First time through a car wash
My 4 year old brother told me he was scared to grow up and cried for like 10 minutes straight
finally I asked why he was so scared
and he said he was scared of drinking coffee
What angels are apparently supposed to look like.
They had 6 wings, covered with eyes on the wings. And had two eyes on their face, but used 2 wings to cover their face at all times because if a mortal ever saw their face they would die.
The bible mentions multiple faces, being covered in eyeballs, constant singing, lion heads etc.
Besides being described as beasts and monsters, they’re practically brainless drones. Heavenly angels are only one step removed from demons. The only difference is demons fell from heaven because they chose to follow Lucifer, who was an angel (angel of music and one of god’s favorites). So they are these eyeball covered animal mashed up monsters who were only created to worship for eternity (part of humanities creation was so that something would choose to love god, not just worship him because they were created to).
Angels fall into a lot of new age and conspiracy beliefs.We were taught that the supernatural realms went in the order of Heaven, Hell, then Earth. So when the angels fell from heaven with Lucifer, some fell through hell and landed on Earth. We were taught they intermarried with early humans and created giants and taught witch craft to women.
They’re abominations, they’re alien, they’re beyond us. They’re creatures that biology as we know it does not apply to. Often they do not love mankind, they love God and God alone.
Christianity is funky and frightening.
damn but thats not what they put on christmas cards
This is some night vale shit
It’s so fucking weird how girls can just tell when our periods start. Like the exact fucking moment. You’re just sitting in bed or standing in line for groceries and your face does that thing kind of like in That’s so Raven when Raven gets a vision
how much lube do you need for anal ? ?
I do not have enough
- my resume:one time i defeated a boss battle without dying
- DC:Wonder Woman is too difficult to find a movie audience for-
- Marvel:YO YOU LIKE BLACK WIDOW? HERE SHE IS IN THE NEXT CAPTAIN AMERICA MOVIE WITH A TON OF SCREENTIME AND MAJOR ASSKICKING SKILLS
- DC:We can't allow the lesbians in Batwoman to get married in the comic, sorry.
- Marvel:HEY GUESS WHAT WE'RE GONNA FEATURE A GAY WEDDING ON THE COVER OF AN X-MEN ISSUE
- DC:The new direction for storytelling needs to be dark, gritty, mature and cynical.
- Marvel:DUDE CHECK IT OUT LOKI GOES SPEED DATING IS THAT NOT THE BEST SHIT EVER
- DC:After years of rumors, the Superman/Batman movie is finally coming, but with a new actor and suit for Batman and MAYBE a cameo from Wonder Woman.
- Marvel:PHASE 2 MOTHERFUCKERS EVERYONE IS IN EVERYONE'S MOVIE AND THERE AIN'T NO STOPPIN US NOW
- DC:We can try to add maybe one or two 'people of color' to our lineup...maybe...
- Marvel:NEW MS MARVEL THAT'S MUSLIM AMERICAN, BITCHES.
- DC:We feel no problem with Batman's vengeful personality being like wet cardboard.
- Marvel:NEW LATINA GHOST RIDER WHO SEEKS VENGEANCE WHILE TAKING HIS AWEET LIL BRO FOR ICE CREAM
- DC:We can't mention any superhero titles in our movies, that's ridiculous.
- Marvel:FUCK YEAH YOU WANT A RACOON VOICED BY BRADLEY COOPER WITH A GIANT GUN? YOU WANT VIN DIESEL PLAYING A TREE? AMY FUCKING POND PLAYING A SEXY BALD SPACE PIRATE? HERE YOU FUCKERS GO
- DC:Our fanbase is mostly white males, I'm sure our focus is-
- Marvel:NEW SHE HULK LINE WHERE SHE GOES TO COURT THEN SAVES NEW YORK
- Marvel:NEW FEMALE THOR
- DC:I didn't-
- Marvel:NEW BLACK CAPTAIN AMERICA
- Marvel:TAKE ALL THIS COOL SHIT MARVEL BE OUTIE