the other day we were discussing dating and this one dude was like “I don’t see the big deal why can’t people just ask people out without all the fuss” and another guy was like “well you get nervous and you get butterflies in your stomach ya know” and the first dude looked the other dude straight in the eye and said “DIGEST THEM.”
*my mom calls ur mom* hi i just called to tell you that your son didnt reblog my sons selfie? um no lorraine. you listen here, if you want to come to my tupperware party you better get your son in check. also your blueberry cobbler should not have won the state fair competition. goodbye lorraine.
Fuck yeah to the kids who feel like they’re dying inside but still gather up the strength to roll out of bed, get dressed, and leave the house. You are strong and beautiful and worth so much more than you know.
I think that if voldemort really wanted to kill harry potter the night the spell didn’t work on him he could’ve just picked him up and thrown him out a window given the fact that he was a one year old infant
so tonight my philosophy professor had these nasty bruises all over her arms and she stopped mid-lecture to say “sorry you guys have to look at my bruised-up body, my friend brought a stripper pole over for thanksgiving and that shit is not easy. tip your strippers. tip your strippers well” and then immediately kept talking about philosophy